If you have ever felt different from the people around you, like an outsider, unsafe even because you don’t fit in, you are definitely not alone. As a result, many people spend their lives unconsciously searching for a real connection, looking for a deep sense of belonging. Maybe you’ve done this by getting into a relationship you know isn’t good for you, changing your hair, clothes, lifestyle, hanging around people you want to be more like, by moving house, or city or even country, desperately trying to connect to something, someone, so you can finally feel that you really belong…
Knowing we belong is a deep-rooted innate need within us.
The mistake we make is that we are looking outside of us for something that can only ever be found within. It is part of the trap the matrix has us I bought into. It makes us consume more, want more, feel discontentment with who we are and what we have, which in turn keeps us in feelings of isolation, not being good enough, not having enough, frustration, resentment and loneliness. The trick is to recognize that belonging can never come from outside of us, it does not come from a place, person or thing although at times these can substitute for a while. The single truth of life is that change is constant, so relying on something outside of us that in the end is bound to change for our sense of belonging will fail in the end.
Let me guide you for a moment and show you the doorway to belonging…
Take a deep breath in.
Take a few deep breaths in.
Every time you breath out relax a little more.
Breathe right down into your belly and close your eyes.
Stay here breathing.
This is the only place you belong.
Inside of you is your home. And it can feel scary, when we don’t trust ourselves, when we aren’t comfortable in our own skin, when we dislike something about our character or parts of our body, when our thoughts are hurtful to us, when we have been hurt, abused, rejected, felt unloved and worthless, when we are the last person we want to get to know. The wound we have to heal, the difficulty we have to overcome, is that a long time ago we decided inside us, who we are, wasn’t enough, was wrong.
There are three keys to unlocking a deep meaningful sense of knowing you belong that is unshakeable.
1. Find the answer to the question “who am I?”. Get to know yourself. In my work I often hear people say, “I don’t know who I am” and that is a great place to be. Getting to know yourself, who you are, your gifts, connections, inspirations, what you like and like less is important. This means spending time alone, out from the influence of family, friends and media. Carving sacred time for you. Understanding your emotions, your triggers, your history, your desires. You can do this by meditating, by journaling, practicing yoga or simply sit and look at yourself in the mirror and notice what you notice. Really look at you, look into your eyes and ask yourself any questions yet unanswered. You already know the answers if you can be present with yourself long enough to hear them.
2. Become the parent you always wanted. There will have been at least one moment where you haven’t felt loved and safe. For many of us we were young children when we first felt this, we were weak, small and felt unprotected. Much of our sense of not belonging can come from feeling abandoned in some way as a child because the people we belonged to didn’t keep us safe. Getting to know your inner child is essential to healing and becoming a whole adult. Only when we feel safe with ourselves do we believe we belong unconditionally where we are.
If you haven’t reconnected with the younger you already, try a meditation, close your eyes and imagine somewhere you loved as a child, a happy place and invite your inner child to join you. Let them show up as they need to, they could be any age and may come running for a hug or could hang back scared. Remember they are a part of you that felt abandoned and alone so will need to build trust again and sometimes that can take time. Keeping your promises to yourself, booking in things you liked to do as a child, listening to them, talking to them, writing them a letter, making time for play and fun in your life will bring you closer and once your inner child knows you have got them and they belong with you, you will really feel it too.
3. Connect with the divinity within, cheesy I know! Now this one can be a bit of a leap but in the end to feel safe in your belonging here on earth you have to know you have God with you and within you. Take a look at something you admire in nature and realize that God thought one of you was exactly what they earth needed right now as well. You are unique, there has been and never will be anyone that entered via the portal you did at the exact time and place you did. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, far from it but you do have to be real. Real in your emotions, in your expression, in your actions. Be you and recognize the part of you that is perfectly imperfect.
When you realize you have always been wanted just as you are, loved for everything you have done, and haven’t done, that you are worthy, that you are enough… you will know you belong here. And your search will be over. You made it home. You belong.