If you answered yes, I assure you the feeling is very real, but the good news is you aren’t alone in having that feeling. These past years we have felt more physical separation than ever before, but it has been the emotional, psychological impacts that we felt most. For some it has been the perfect opportunity to go deeper inside ourselves but if you haven’t found your door way in yet don’t worry!
Ask yourself “when did I first feel alone?” If you dig deep, it is likely there will have been a moment from your childhood where you felt abandoned and without the love you needed. I know for me it was when my dad left home, and my mum was so emotionally devastated I felt they had both left me. I was a young teenager, my body was changing, boys started to show interest in me, I had exams on the horizon that I believed would dictate how the rest of my life went and three younger siblings who also felt alone. I was overwhelmed and felt like I had no one to turn to. I felt completely alone.
I made the decision to lock away my own emotions, stay on track and keep working hard because I knew it was my way to manage the pain and my way into the future I wanted. Feeling like I couldn’t depend on anyone, I needed to make sure I could depend on me. Studying and achieving things gave me something to hold on to, made me feel a bit better. I looked for the love and self-worth I was desperate for in boyfriends who were unable to fill the gapping hole of abandonment I felt.
Thirty years later I see the track I set myself on and that I went into survival mode. It got me through but cemented me into a lifetime of feeling alone. When we don’t reach out, or share what we are going through, and don’t allow ourselves to really feel stuff, we feel alone. We see ourselves as different from those around us instead of recognizing how we are similar. We avoid the pain of being human but in doing so we cut ourselves off from the pleasure of real connection. And locked in our own cage of isolation no one can reach us.
The first step always takes a little bravery. You have to admit how you feel and share it with someone else. So today, find just a little courage and do just that. You have in your hand the key to your own cage. If you don’t know who to share your feelings with, share them with me and post them below. I suspect by the end of the day we will all realize being alone is not so lonely.